ADHD glossary · Family perspectives
Goal setting
Goal setting means choosing an outcome you want to work toward and making clear what that outcome means to you. In an ordinary household plan, a goal can be small, temporary, or shared. It does not have to be a self-improvement project.
General education and practical perspectives. Editorial standards.
The question here is: What are we trying to have or do, and who actually wants that outcome? A goal names the destination. A task is an action toward it. Prioritization decides which competing work comes first. Writing “be more organized” does not yet tell someone what you want to happen, and it does not make the wish their goal.
An example: being able to use the game table
In this invented family, Jules says, “Our goal should be a tidy house.” Their partner, Kit, does not want a whole-house project. Their older child, Rowan, wants to keep an unfinished puzzle out. After discussing the actual activity they want, they choose a smaller shared goal: “Have space for four people to play one board game at the table on Friday evening.”
This does not require a spotless room or dismantling Rowan's puzzle. They consider a different table and a smaller game before deciding to use a removable board for the puzzle, with Rowan's agreement. The goal describes usable space for a chosen occasion, not whether Rowan has become a tidy person.
Separate outcome, action, and limit
Here is their invented goal note:
Outcome we want: Space for our chosen four-person game on Friday
Who wants to participate: Jules, Kit, and Rowan; the fourth person will be asked
What would count: The game fits and everyone participating has a place
What is outside the goal: Cleaning the whole room or judging anyone's belongings
One next action: Ask Rowan which puzzle arrangement they accept
Who accepted that action: Jules
Resources or help still needed: An agreed place for the puzzle board
Revisit point: Thursday evening
Alternative: Choose a smaller game or another occasion
For your own goal, begin with something you can describe without rating a person's character. Then check that the people named in it agree. Write only the first action needed to make progress; you can add later tasks when their requirements are clearer.
Personal goals are not automatically household assignments
A teenager might want to finish a drawing and ask a parent for table time. The drawing remains the teenager's goal; the parent's part is the space arrangement they actually accept. An adult may want a quieter weekend and discover that their proposed goal assigns errands to someone else. That person gets to respond to the request, not simply inherit the work.
A shared goal can also contain disagreement. Kit may care about playing together, while Rowan cares about protecting the puzzle. Write those conditions instead of assuming that everyone means the same thing by “game night.”
At the revisit point, ask what changed: the desired outcome, the available time, the materials, or people's willingness? You can narrow the goal, choose a different first action, postpone it, or drop it. A missed date is information about this plan, not a measure of someone's motivation or worth. This is a voluntary planning example, not a therapeutic or academic performance program.
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