ADHD glossary · Family perspectives
Personal boundaries: say what you can and cannot offer
Personal boundaries, in this everyday guide, are the limits someone states about their own availability, participation, possessions, or sharing of personal information. A boundary tells other people what the person is or is not offering. It is not a rule that makes another person's thoughts or choices belong to them.
General education and practical perspectives. Editorial standards.
We focus on optional household arrangements, such as shared work, borrowing items, and conversations. We do not determine legal rights, consent rules, care responsibilities, or what to do in an unsafe relationship. A boundary statement can identify a limit without making a clinical claim about why the person has it.
Worked example: company for paperwork
This is an invented example. One partner asks the other to sit nearby while they work through ordinary household paperwork. The invited partner is willing to offer company until the start of their own planned call. They are not willing to read the papers or send messages on the other person's behalf.
They say: “I can sit at the table until my call starts. I will be doing my own reading. I am not offering to check or send the paperwork.” The person asking can accept that arrangement, ask for a different kind of help, or decline the company.
They also agree that the papers will face their owner, not the rest of the room. A teen passing through does not need to know what they contain. When the call approaches, the invited partner leaves as agreed; the other partner decides what to do with their own unfinished task.
The limit is about the invited partner's participation. “You must finish before my call” would be a different demand, not the same boundary. If the task turns out to require another person's actual authority or specialist help, this ordinary shared-work arrangement does not supply it.
Copy a boundary note
The note is for preparing your own words; it need not be shared or saved.
The ordinary arrangement I am discussing:
What I am willing to offer:
What I am not offering:
When this availability begins and ends:
Information or belongings I do not want included:
How I will say the arrangement is ending:
An alternative I genuinely want to offer, if any:
What remains the other person's choice:
An alternative is optional. Do not fill that line with another task you do not actually want to take on. If the limit affects a shared plan, name what now needs a new agreement rather than pretending the remaining work has disappeared.
Different household perspectives
A child can say, “Please ask before using my drawing pens.” An adult can discuss the shared-space arrangement without treating the child's possessions as automatically available. This page does not define a child's legal decision-making authority.
A sibling can decline the role of ongoing reminder person. A grandparent can say which visits or ordinary errands they are offering, instead of an open-ended “anything you need.” A partner can distinguish being available to hear a question from being available to solve it.
These are different offers, not a universal script every family member must use.
Related guides
Questions you may have
Do I have to explain my reason?
For the optional examples here, the template does not require a private explanation. “I am not available for that” states the offer's limit. Formal duties or required disclosures are outside this page.
What if someone asks again?
You can restate the current offer without adding a new reason. If you want to reconsider, name the changed agreement explicitly; do not let an old offer silently expand into a continuing job.
What if the arrangement is already underway?
Say which part you want to stop or change and discuss any ordinary logistics that need returning or handing over. Do not use this template to abandon safety or care responsibilities it does not address.
When should we stop using this script?
Stop treating this as an ordinary negotiation if participation is coerced or the situation involves threats, abuse, or safeguarding concerns. A wording template is not a safety plan or therapy.
Updates and corrections
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