ADHD glossary · Family perspectives
Reminder: agree on one prompt and its limits
A reminder is a prompt about something a person intends or has agreed to do. On this page, we focus on requested everyday prompts: who sends one, what it says, when it arrives, and when it should stop.
General education and practical perspectives. Editorial standards.
A reminder is not a transfer of the whole task. Agreeing to send a message does not automatically mean checking for a reply, finding the required materials, or making sure the task is completed. A checklist contains items to check; a shared calendar holds event information. A reminder can point to either without reproducing all of it.
Worked example: answering an invitation
In this invented example, a teen has an invitation to an ordinary family gathering. They want to consider it before replying and ask a parent for one reminder on Thursday evening. The parent agrees to send a short message after dinner, but not to repeatedly ask or answer for them.
Their wording is: “Reminder you requested: would you like to send your reply to the gathering invitation?” The message names the task, not a criticism such as “You always forget.” It leaves the actual reply with the teen.
The teen asks for the message privately, not in a sibling group chat. A grandparent who helps arrange the gathering can receive the eventual answer without receiving the reminder conversation. If the teen replies early, they tell the parent to cancel the prompt. If the parent becomes unavailable, the parent says so; silence is not treated as proof that a message was sent.
The example stops at an ordinary invitation. It does not specify what reminders should be used for healthcare, safety-critical tasks, formal deadlines, or legal duties.
Copy a reminder request
I want a reminder about:
Send it by: spoken prompt / private message / another agreed channel:
Send it when:
Use these words, if I have a preference:
Frequency: once / another explicitly agreed pattern:
Please do not send it to:
Cancel it when:
If I do not respond, the agreed next step is:
The sender is agreeing to:
The sender is not agreeing to:
When we will revisit this arrangement:
Keep “no further prompt” available as an answer to the nonresponse line. If a reminder depends on a device, confirm that the person wants that channel; do not assume a notification was seen. The template works as a spoken agreement or paper note too.
Related guides
Questions you may have
Can we agree on repeated reminders?
Yes, if the person receiving them and the person sending them want that arrangement. Specify the pattern and an ending condition. “Keep asking until I do it” needs a closer conversation about what either person may stop doing.
What if a partner is tired of being the reminder person?
They can name which part they no longer agree to handle. Discuss another arrangement for the task; do not quietly assign the job to a sibling or child. A request can be declined without converting the conversation into a judgment about caring.
Does accepting a reminder mean accepting advice?
Not in this template. “Prompt me to look at the invitation” does not mean “decide my answer” or “explain why I should go.” Ask separately before adding help.
When should we cancel or revise it?
Cancel when the task is complete or the recipient withdraws the request. Revise when the time, channel, or sender no longer works. Stop an ordinary reminder arrangement if it is becoming public commentary, repeated unwanted contact, or monitoring of another person's activity.
Updates and corrections
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