ADHD glossary · Family perspectives
Self-advocacy
Self-advocacy, in this page's ordinary use, means expressing your own question, preference, or request and deciding how you want to take part in a conversation about it. You can prepare with another person's help without having them decide what you mean.
General education and practical perspectives. Editorial standards.
The reader question is: What do I want to say for myself, and what help—if any—do I want saying it? Assertive communication concerns making a request or limit clear. Self-advocacy emphasizes whose view is being represented. It does not require a particular speaking style, a personal disclosure, or knowledge of a legal system. This page makes no claim about rights, eligibility, or formal processes.
An example: asking about a shared shelf
In this invented family, Eden's unfinished art has been moved from a shared shelf twice. Eden wants a clearly identified place for it until the weekend. Their parent, Jules, offers to raise the issue at a household conversation.
Eden says, “I want to explain it myself, but can you help me write a short note first?” Their note is:
“I would like to leave this unfinished picture flat until Saturday. Which part of the shelf can we agree to use? Please ask before moving it. If that place is needed earlier, I want to choose where the picture goes next.”
Eden's sibling uses the shelf too and asks how much space the picture needs. That is an unanswered logistics question, not proof Eden should not have made the request. Eden can show the size, suggest another place, or take time to think. Jules's agreed role is to keep the note available, not answer every question for Eden.
Prepare your own conversation card
You can fill this in privately and share only the sentences you choose:
The thing I want to discuss: ___
What I want the other person to know: ___
The question or request I want to make: ___
Information I do not want included: ___
How I want to contribute: Speak, show a note, ask someone to read my chosen words, or another arrangement.
Help I am asking for: ___
Help I am not asking for: ___
If I do not want to answer immediately: “I would like to think about that and come back to it.”
Check with anyone helping you that their role matches the card. They can ask whether you want a reminder of your question, a chance to speak, or help recording an answer. They should not label their own preferred outcome as yours.
There is more than one way to represent your view
An adult discussing shared chores may want to bring written availability rather than explain private reasons for each unavailable time. A teenager may choose a short request without discussing a diagnosis. A child may dictate a sentence to a parent and ask to hear it back before it is shared. These are examples of chosen participation, not age-based rules about who decides.
You can also say that you do not yet know what you want. A question such as “What options are we considering?” is a contribution, not an incomplete demand.
After you ask
Separate the response into what was agreed, what was declined, and what remains unclear. If someone misunderstands, you can correct your wording, ask them to summarize what they heard, or pause. A request may be declined; the page does not promise a particular response.
This is an ordinary household preparation tool, not instructions for medical, school-entitlement, employment, or legal advocacy. It is not a safety plan for coercive situations. You may change your request or choose not to continue the conversation.
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