Empathy: understanding is not a score

This source uses the term in more than one closely related way. The glossary does not turn those descriptions into a test of who is caring, whose feelings are correct, or whether someone should agree to a request.

A canceled plan, two separate questions

Imagine a sibling saying, “The art-club exhibition was canceled, and I had been looking forward to showing my print.” Another sibling wants to respond but does not share the same disappointment. They can ask what part of the cancellation matters most to the speaker.

Perhaps the answer is the missed chance to see friends. Perhaps it is the work that will not be displayed. Before the speaker answers, either account is only a possibility. A response can remain tentative: “Was showing the print the part you were most excited about, or was it something else?”

This scene illustrates an effort to understand the person's account. It does not establish what either sibling is feeling internally.

An optional response menu

Instead of preparing a perfect line, the listener could keep three possible questions in mind:

Understanding: Which part of this matters most to you?
Company: Would you like me to stay and listen?
Practical help: Is there anything you want help thinking through?

These are original conversation options, not a scale or required sequence. The speaker may want one kind of response, a different response, or some time alone. No one needs to answer every question.

If the listener misunderstood, the speaker can correct the account: “It isn't the print; I wanted to see the group.” The listener can then use that correction instead of defending the earlier guess.

Agreement is a different decision

Suppose the disappointed sibling asks to use a shared room for an unscheduled display. Understanding the disappointment does not settle whether the room is available. The family can discuss that request separately, including other plans for the space.

Likewise, a phrase of acknowledgment is not proof of an internal feeling. This page is about the vocabulary and an ordinary exchange, not about reading a person's expression, tone, eye contact, or message length as evidence of empathy.

Leave room for the person's own style

An adult might offer to listen during a walk. A student might prefer to text. Another family member might say little but ask a careful question later. The example does not rank these styles or claim that a particular response is better for ADHD.

The APA entry also discusses other contexts, including psychotherapy; those are outside this glossary account. Nothing here diagnoses an empathy deficit or excuses harmful conduct. The canceled-exhibition scene and response menu are original, nonclinical illustrations rather than a validated way to assess or change a relationship.

Source

[1] American Psychological Association, APA Dictionary of Psychology. empathy. Updated 2023-11-15; original publication date not shown. Accessed September 6, 2026. [1] uses only the terminology specified above; additional findings, recommendations, and source examples are not adopted.

Related guides

• Perspective taking
• Validation
• Active listening
• Request