ADHD glossary · Family perspectives
Request: say what you are asking and leave room for an answer
A request asks someone to do or provide something. In this ordinary voluntary conversation, we make the proposed action clear and leave room for the other person to answer, decline, or suggest an alternative. A request is different from an assumption that the task has already been assigned.
General education and practical perspectives. Editorial standards.
The action being asked for is also separate from the style of asking. A politely worded sentence can still contain an unclear or unexpectedly large task. Start by checking what work the words actually include.
Compare a vague and a specific request
In a fictional household, one partner says, “Could you help with the form?” The other does not know whether that means finding a document, reading the instructions, filling it in, or submitting it.
The first partner clarifies: “Could you read this instruction with me for ten minutes? I want to understand what it asks for; I am not asking you to complete or send the form.” The other partner says they can do that after dinner, not immediately.
They have a clear proposal and a clear response. The ten minutes is an example of their chosen limit, not a recommended conversation length. Neither person needs to claim the other's difficulty is caused by ADHD to explain the help being requested.
A request you can adapt
The action I am asking for:
Why I am asking this person, without assuming they must agree:
When it would be useful:
What the request does not include:
An alternative I could consider:
The answer I actually received:
Do not complete the final line with the answer you hoped for. If the response is tentative or depends on missing information, keep that condition attached to the request.
Separate a request from a reminder
A reminder refers back to an arrangement someone has already accepted. A new request introduces something that still needs an answer. “While you are doing that, could you also…” may add real work; it should not be treated as part of the earlier agreement automatically.
A child can ask an adult for help finding an instruction without wanting the adult to take over the project. A teen can ask a sibling for quiet during a chosen activity while listening to the sibling's own needs. A grandparent can ask for a clearer event location without accepting the role of transport organizer.
When the situation is not an ordinary voluntary exchange
This example is not a framework for legal duties, professional instructions, urgent safety decisions, or coercive relationships. It does not mean that every real-world obligation becomes optional by changing its wording. Its narrow purpose is to make an everyday proposed contribution and the person's actual answer visible.
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